Additions

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My favorite recent addition to the break room: a water cooler! The hot water option is phenomenal, it produces water that is the perfect temperature for us tea drinkers.

I’m feeling uncomfortable today. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t been eating or sleeping well, maybe it’s a combination of all of the above… most likely.

I just want to go home, change into some pj’s & watch House of Cards until I have to fall asleep. I’m in desperate need of a nap.

I wouldn’t be against a napping room in the office. A dimly lit room with big comfty sectionals, pillows, blankets and fans for us all to relax in during breaks.

Glorious…

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A beautiful storm indeed

It’s times like this where I wish I was able to sleep without a fan. I want so badly to be able to turn out the lights and melt into dream world while listening to the pitter patter of the rain outside. Unfortunately for me I am addicted to the dulling white noise of high powered fans and since the age of 14 haven’t been able to sleep a wink without one.

It is quite possibly the worst addiction I’ve had in my 26.89 years of existence and I don’t want to be Kurt so I’ll be Frank… [lol my personal fave – don’t ask] I don’t see myself attempting to break this addiction. Instead I will continue to purchase fan after fan to keep at my bed until the day I die or go completely deaf. I am hoping the deaf part comes with death but that’s another blog altogether.

See, at night I tend to hyper focus on just about every sound that comes my way. Well that is actually 24/7 but at night its annoying to me to hear pretty much anything, including the melodic sound of raindrops on the roof and the soothing rolling thunder chasing the wind, forces pulling from the center of the earth again I can feel it… wait… and music. All types of music. With the radio I tend to listen to the lyrics. I’ll find myself singing along, thinking to myself about how the lyrics don’t make sense, or I’ll be taken back to a time when… with instrumental pieces or classical music I find myself in Fantasia mode and I imagine great scenes in some magical forest with cupids and centaurs and dragons and shit. Then it’s 4am and I have come up with this whole wildly choreographed scenario and I have no idea who or where I am, then I contemplate calling into work. How do you excuse something like that? “Hello work? Yea, I can’t come in today because my explosive imagination kept me up all night creating a wondrous play land, so I must sleep now”… no. I’m a grown up. That shit just doesn’t fly.

I also tend to find myself wildly irritated with falling asleep to tv or movies. Nope. Not going to happen. You may find me on your couch dozing off to a boring movie or something, but never sleeping. You may even think to yourself, “hey, why are you in my house?”, don’t think.

The worst? When a fan is on it’s last leg and starts to make that tapping noise. You know the noise, where it sounds like there may be a piece of tape stuck to the fan blade somehow, so, with every fucking rotation there is this tap, tap, tap noise. YUK! HOW ANNOYING!!!!! That drives me crazy. I don’t know the how’s or the why’s to that type of situation, I just know that to me that is surely one of the best ways to keep me from sleeping. I find myself laying there in a cold sweat just waiting, anticipating the next tap to happen. Then I hear it and my blood boils. So I lay in silence for the next rotation to come about secretly hoping it will have fixed itself and sure shit, TAP. TAP. TAP. EVERY SECOND ANOTHER TAP!!

I need the soft, smooth hum of a solid fan. Box fans are nice and all for summer when you need to blast air from room to room [for those of us without central air] but not what I look for in a bedroom fan. I like the smaller ones. DONT put a fan in my face or facing my person. Just don’t do it. I hate the feeling of air on my skin while I am trying to sleep. I am actually laughing at myself as I type this because I know how incredibly weird this all sounds but besides the tappa tappa tappa of a sticky fan the one thing that really chaps my ass is something I will now call “wind skin” – when a fan blows air on you while you try to sleep. Ha. It’s the feeling of my hair being caught in said air that is gross to me. I am a hairy gal [by nature and choice] so its not like I can just tie my hair up, no, its ALL my freaking hair. The whole body. I dont’ mind it on a hot summer day at the beach, you know, a lil gust of wind here and there to break up the heat… just not in my bed at 11pm.

I JUST HEARD A NOISE. It sounded weird and I am totally creeped out laying here home alone with this storm.

Speaking of creepy things… I have decided that with this whole war on terror that we should focus more of our attention to the terrorists at home: centipedes. Now, I know the definition of a terrorist doesn’t really apply to centipedes however the word TERROR comes to mind whenever I think of or see the little bastards. Last night I let out a blood curdling scream and ran the flight of steps in my house faster than I ever have before to inform Reed of the danger lurking in the shadows of the bathroom below. By the time he got there to inspect [and destroy] the thing was gone. I was terrified. Reed’s reply “well, if you would have reacted rationally then you would know where it is, dead in the toilet”…. WELL GEE… why didn’t I think of that? Oh, I know! Because to me, the most rational thing to do when facing my mortal enemy is to run and find someone bigger and stronger to fight my battles. Fucking DUH. They have a million legs!

He loves me.

A different kind of love

If I could claim any one space as my own at the building I work in it would be the handicap stall in the woman’s restroom.

Now, that may sound weird to some, most or all, however to me, that room is the epitome of the word sanctuary.

I simply love that stall.

A part of me has claimed it on a deeper more personal level. Only a select few know of my fondness towards that stall and an even fewer select persons know of the irrational jealousy that consumes me when I find it occupied. Not a “green with envy” kind of feeling, more of an empty longing.

Its the place I go to take care of business. I consider the women’s restroom my office, that stall being my workstation.

I don’t know how to explain it.

Just like I can’t explain my bizarre obsession with Craig Ferguson, the name, not the actor/comedian himself. That my friends is simply a uniquely unusual unsolved mystery.

WHICH brings me to my next topic: Marvelous Mystery Shorts. So, a while ago I had decided to get into the habit of writing for pure pleasure mysteries. I named these mysteries “Marvelous Mystery Shorts”. To me they are pure genius. GOLD. Here is the best example of my work as of yet:

Do You Know the Muffin Man: a Marvelous Mystery Short by Maria Martini the First

Thirty two years ago today a young man was closing up shop at the local bakery he ran. When in the back alley, while he was tossing out the trash, a canister of primordial ooze fell from the 6th floor window of a mini laboratory onto his back, thus altering his genetic DNA, turning him into the notorious Muffin Man. He got a gift card to the MNHS & adopted 6 cats then trained them to do tricks so the could join the circus. Soon after he met & married the bearded lady. They lived happily ever after…… IN HELL.

Have a great life.

Sleepy Time

I am all about rituals. From burning card-stock with the names of past lovers dripped in wax to “rid myself of their negative energy”, filling silk pouches with my cats hair & whiskers then burying them in the back yard with flowers to “keep him safe”, to the way I get ready for bed every night. 

I am very ritualistic. I have yet to sacrifice a goat/lamb/my first born, however I never say never. Something my mother taught me about not making a promise I couldn’t keep… well that is another story altogether. 

ANYWAYS. My bed time ritual. Nothing crazy, just a gal stuck in her ways.

I am a PM shower kinda gal. I loooove nothing more than a hot shower to loosen my muscles before bed. It’s my time to stand in the steam and just let all my worry swoooosh down the drain. Sure, I wake up with some pretty radical bed-head hair but other than that it’s worth it. I end my sessions with slathering coconut oil face to toe. NOW – coconut oil isn’t for everyone and it took me a really long time to find the brand that worked for me but it is now my ultimate HOLY GRAIL of beauty products. It makes my skin so soft and supple. Not to mention it heals the evil psoriasis I have. GAG. 

WELL THE WHOLE POINT of this blog: Sleepy Time Tea: Extra + Melatonin = my newest bed time ritual. After hopping out of the shower I turn on a pot of water and make myself a mug of tea. I pop a melatonin and grab my mug and crawl into bed with whatever dirty romance novel I happen to be reading and sip sip sup on some delicious herbal goodness. After about a half hour my usually insomniac ass is heavy-lidded and melting into bed. How glorious! Where has this been all my life?! 

I have known of Sleepy Time tea only from Mandi [the bfffl] and all I knew up until a month ago was that it apparently made her puke. So, naturally, I stayed as far away from it as possible. About 3.5 weeks ago I saw it on sale at my local supermarket and it was being sold with an adorable little tin box thing. I cant turn away from adorable or little for that matter! So I BOUGHT IT. AND I LOVE IT! The melatonin was only introduced to me about a week ago by Reed [the lover] who had been using it to help him sleep since his accident. WELLZZZZzzzzzzz I am in sleep heaven. The only side affect I have experienced so far is simply more vivid dreams. 

I am a dreamer so I don’t give much of a care. Actually I enjoy it. My dreams are vivid enough on my own but adding the combination of the tea & melatonin has me waking up with a “what the fuck” attitude and brilliant new entries to my dream dictionary. Why, just the other day Reed woke me up right as I was dreaming about a litter of puppies. In my dream I had decided to foster litters of puppies [I know – a dream is a wish your heart makes] and so I had this litter of pups in a house I have never seen before but in the dream knew was mine. Blah blah blah cuteness ensues etc. etc. and then, right before waking up, one of the little guys scrunches up and starts to poo! Ha! I remember thinking it was cute in my dream? I don’t know, I just remember the thing looking at me and almost smiling and having the warm feeling of smiling back. Then, I woke up.

This blog makes no sense. 

Did I mention that I completed my sleepy time ritual about an hour ago? I have that heavy-lidded thing going on right now. There is something entirely captivating about the sound of a keyboards “click click click click” under my nails at 10pm. I don’t want to stop! It makes me wish that I had something as equally captivating to write about! LIke LOVE! WAR! JUICE! DRESSERS ON SALE FR 50% OFF RETAIL PRICE AT UNIQUE THRIFT STORES! MY FRIEND CORY NEVER WANTING TO HANG OUT! MY LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CURRENT JOB! MY DESIRE TO CREATE. MY DEEP HATRED FOR BUTTERFLY’S…

Goodnight, never land.