Happily Ever After


This isn’t what I had in mind. This isn’t the “me” I had dreamt of. 

This is what the cosmos had in store for me. 

This was written in the stars, this is what was supposed to be.

Everyone said “adulting is hard”… well, okay thanks for the great advice? Not really a whole lot more than that was offered. Oh you know, the standard “it will be okay” and “save your money” and of course the classic (which is my favorite) “this is time for you to focus on yourself”… I don’t know if I expected some miracle advice or if I thought someone older and wiser would have the answers I was looking for. 
I didn’t even know what questions I was asking. I just felt LOST. And now…

This is my life now. So, so fucking good. 

It’s not as hard or as scary as everyone made it out to be, this whole “living alone” .. being alone thing. 

ON THE CONTRARTY!! It’s quite awesome… fucking fantastic, shit.

I can sing to Elton all I want. Wander naked in front of the windows without being told not to. I can lay in bed and read all day without feeling any guilt from not washing the two coffee mugs in the sink.

It’s quiet, that’s for sure, but I have always enjoyed quiet. 

It’s expensive, too. Haha, but I have always enjoyed spending money! My budget is definitely a bit tighter than it used to be. I was mostly afraid of not being able to throw cash at the ladies at Sephora, Lush, Target and DSW as I once did. I am pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty  sure with some finagling & fine tuning I can still be as ridiculius as I need to be with my shopping habits. Will I continue to buy expensive jewelry for myself on a whim? Most likely. I’m an asshole. 

Groceries are a lot less expensive than I remember them being and this is mostly because:

a) I had pretty much stopped eating and the mere thought of food would send me into a dry heaving fit. I lost 20lbs since August. 

b) I’m not a fucking monster and I don’t eat the (expensive) flesh of innocent beings and I’m not buying it anymore. And, NO!! I am NOT morally superior to you, yet. Once I stop eating dairy (cheese 👿) I’ll be able to brag a whole lot more about how amazing and selfless I am. Don’t worry, that’s a 2017 goal so it will come quick. 

I am soooo digging my new apartment. The old school charm of windows that don’t fucking work, the lovely hardwood floors. The fact that my neighbors keep their heat so high that I don’t have to turn mine on (I pay for heat, here, so that’s a budget saver right there! I figure a week with no heat = shopping)…

It’s quiet, and I love the Audobon Park neighborhood. Lovely houses with adorable landscaping and a beautiful park, my favorite coffee shop up the road and CHIMBORAZO JUST TWO BLOCKS AWAY!!! Ahhh, Chimbies. I’m so close that my phone always wants to “check in” there. Did I mention that Chimborazo is one of my favorite places?

This journey of self discovery has been revealing in an awful lot of ways. It’s afforded me the grand opportunity to be as selfish as I want to be (which was never hard for me bacuse I’ve always been spoiled – sigh) and I get to make up my own rules! 

Meeting new people.. that has been nothing short of interesting! Reconnecting with some from my past, intriguing. Who next? Where to next? Who will I bump into? Who do I make time for? Do I even want to? Do I even care? 

It’s so exciting to be a young, single woman “in the city”. And yes, NEMPLS is kind of the city and YESSSSSSS 30 is still fucking young, gimme a break. IM FINALLY able to live out my Sex and the City fantasy! The fantasy where I spend all my rent $$ on expensive shoes, obsess over an emotionally unavailable older man who has been stringing me on for years, and eat at swanky new clubs/restaurants with my girlfriends who are mostly gay men, and gossip about life, love, sex and fashion. The thrill of it all! 

This is me now. Candace Bushnell… you saved my fucking life.