Constantly wearing a tear in my belt loops

Like… when you pull your pants up from the belt loops all the time, and they rip out from under your fingers. 

Now you’re left with this big ugly tear on your hips and a floppy shitty belt loop. 

https://youtu.be/3B2DC12vAJk

“Wear and tear is damage that naturally and inevitably occurs as a result of normal wear or aging. It is used in a legal context for such areas as warranty contracts from manufacturers, which usually stipulate that damage from wear and tear will not be covered.”

After a while, after all of that wear and wear and wear… what happens??! 

Natrally… damage. 

Is there ever any coming back from all that? 

I mean, in the business I’m in I hear a lot (from one person in particular actually, it’s his line) This phrase:

If you dent your car and take it to a car wash the dent will still be there. It will be clean, but the dent is still there. You can’t clean damage.

Interesting. True. Simple. Real.

So, how do you repair damage to the mind and soul? 

Therapy. Medication, maybe. Meditation. Exercise. Great and ridiculously amazing food. Rest. Relaxation. Vacation. Dreaming. 

What if you’re not sure what’s damaged?

What if you’re not sure when it was damaged?

The scariest of all – what if the damage can’t be fixed? 

I mean, how do you know if “this is it”… “this is your life now, girl”… know what I mean? 

I’m enjoying life. Lifeeeeeeee is good, like all those fucking tshirts, bumper stickers and keychains say. Life’s a garden: dig it. Ain’t that the fucking truth??

Like, I feel so good! I’m happy, it’s great, I’m good.  

But

I’m

Really

Fucking

Scared

It always turns around. My life has been soooo cyclical and it’s soooo fucking sick but it’s soooo fucking true. 

It’s so true. Life has its ups and it’s downs, and I get that. The whole cliche that you can’t appreciate the good without the bad blaaaah blaaah blah bleeehp.

Is it a self fulfilling prophesy? 

The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, a false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the original false conception come true. This specious validity of the self-fulfilling prophecy perpetuates a reign of error. For the prophet will cite the actual course of events as proof that he was right from the very beginning.

Giiiirllll… maybe? How does one just “let the fuck go”..?

More therapy? Medication? I want to say no, my doctor says yes! But I still want to say no. 

Am I the only thing standing in my way? I know ultimately my fear is my biggest weakness in life, now, and that I let it get the best of me. How do people live without fear? Lol – I totally laugh out loud at this! I mean, for real! I cling to my fear like a jacket in a storm. Why? Why am I so eager to be sick? Why do I let it consume me? How am I supposed to know if my fear is stronger than me or if I am just… a bitch? 

Life mottos I’ve attempted to live 

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