Down to earth: a short story on why I couldn’t sleep for weeks and how I made holy water

So, when I first moved into my apartment last year I couldn’t sleep for the life of me! I couldn’t fall asleep and when I fell asleep I would wake up… and then couldn’t fall back asleep. I was exhausted all the time, void of energy and just pissed.

I took melatonin, drank sleepy time tea (the extra strong stuff), did “bedtime” yoga and really, nothing seemed to work! 

Naturally my mind went there: possession by a demon. Now, I saged my apartment when I moved in. I cleansed the shit out of every nook and cranny. And actually cleaned it with bleach, too, because it was a new place and other people’s skin cells are gross. 

But I was a mess. There really was no explanation other than demonic possession and that’s why I wasn’t sleeping well and feeling like a garbage dump all the time! OBVI!!!

I said a prayer to a couple Gods and Goddesses just to make sure I covered all my bases. I also did some dumb stuff like splash homemade holy water* in the corner of every room and on all the windowsills. 

Still couldn’t sleep.

See, this is EXACTLY what demons do. They make you vulnerable, weak, so that when you are at the lowest of the low they can devour your soul and take possession. They can’t win when their victim is in their prime! 

So, me being super fucking clever, figured out  my demons plan…

Step one: weaken me with sleep deprivation

Step two: steal my soul and either kill me or hundreds of other people or whatever 

I don’t. Fucking. Think so.

Then shit got weird.

At first, it seemed that EVERY NIGHT, for about two weeks straight, that I would wake up at the same time. I didn’t just like, “wake up” but rather, I was woken up. It was a loud but distant almost rumbling kind of noise that seemed to take place at 11:30pm… every night, almost like it was……. dare I say….. scheduled….???
Fuhhhh-reeky! 

Sometimes, not all times, the rumbling would be accompanied by a screetching noise of sorts. Not like a bird or annoying girl at the bar but like … grinding… gears grinding.

I thought to myself one night as I sat alone watching some dumb movie on the couch “this is it… I’m really being possessed”… 

And I’m not even going to lie but I was kind of like, 20:80 stoked/scared. I didn’t want to be possessed and potentially turn green or be sucked into my TV but at the same time like, GET OUT! What a way to go, right? I don’t know anyone who has been possessed, so I could be the only one in my friends circle who had been!!

Anyway – chillin’, watching movie, eating snacks… and it HITS ME!!!!!!!

ALIENS!!!!

GOOD OLD FASHIONED MOTHER FUCKING ALIENS!!

I am seriously shitting myself at this point (jk or am I?) and I’m now (in this moment of realization) 50:50 stoked/scared.

This makes so much sense – the rumbling, the screetching, the same time bullshit every night! We all know aliens like to be punctual. 

Abduction. So here I was, basically being abducted by aliens every night at 11:30, that’s why I was always SO TIRED! They wiped my memory so I would have no knowledge of what was happening and since I’m a hot specimen they kept coming back for more! Woot woot, go me!

So I’m kinda freaked out and kind of not, right? Aliens are a bit scary and X Files scared me and I definitely didn’t want to die or anything (because in my mind literally every possible reason/scenario ends in death. I could be headed to the grocery store and in my mind I’m reminding myself of that movie about the things… omg what the hell is it… final destination! Yea..)

And yea. So I have the revelation and then I’m like shit ooooookay well what do I even do? 

Sleep. Duh. 

I go to sleep, and LIKE CLOCKWORK – 11:30 hits and THERE IT IS! 

The rumble.. and for a second my heart raced and I feel myself tending up and then the weirdest thing happened while I laid there, maybe a minute, of quiet panic as I thought of all the horrendous things that could or would happen – I gave up. I didn’t care. Not that I wasn’t interested in fighting for my life or whatever, but I just kind of let go. I felt powerless over the situation – this thing was happening that I alone couldn’t stop and no one in the world (besides maybe 1 or 2 people) would actually believe me and I was was just like… fuck it. 

Well, I fell back asleep almost instantly it seemed. The next day I was just as exhausted as I was the weeks prior. 

I napped after work one day, seeing as to how I just couldn’t function without it.

Woke up at 10:30pm

Watched movie.

11:30pm – the rumbling…. it’s happening… and I look out my window really only kind of expecting to MAYBE see a spaceship.

GIIIIIRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLzzzzzz

IVE BEEN LIVING NEXT TO A RAILYARD FOR MONTHS AND SOMEHOW FORGOT THAT TRAINS MAKE FUCKING NOISE AND ROLL THEIR ASSES IN AT THE SAME TIME EVERY NIGHT….

No demons.

No aliens.

Just trains.

I sleep much better now, waking up is now the problem.

*Homemade holy water recipe: 
1 cup water purified by Brita
1 made up blessing “hello, please make this water holy”

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