On Going Back

I am not the kind of person to hold on to regrets. Anger, resentments, grudges, any slight grievance… those things I will generally bottle up and hold on to longer than the average person.

At this time I do wish I could go back. I’d say it was just over three hours ago, so I’d like to go back 3 hours and 15 seconds in time. I would tell past Maria, “no, put that down, you don’t really want it” and I would save myself from my current troubles.

About four cups of “Handful of Everything” trail mix [thanks Target] I am ready to explode. I would say I ate about three cups more than any single person should in a sitting. But I did. And while I’m not necessarily proud of it, I am somewhat shocked that I actually managed to eat that much trail mix. So now I sit, hunched over in agony while what feels like a fifty pound boulder is slowly tearing a path from my intestines to my freaking chute.

I am somewhat uncomfortable, to say the least.

My kitty Elton is laying at the end of the bed pawing playfully at the dog. Rocky [dog] is circling the bed almost like a vulture would looking for the quickest way onto the bed without be caught by the sharp claws of Mr. Snuggle Bum. Rocky is at the door now pretending to sniff the ground while obviously staring at Elton. Elton is just staring back. A DUEL! It is pretty safe to say that Elton is King of the Bed at this point. They get along just fine, this is just play time for the boys. Naturally Elton is hyphy – it’s 11:30! His nocturnal instincts are telling him to go wild and to attack the dog, but his insatiable desire to cuddle has won him over and now he is reduced to nothing more than a cuddle bear.

So, this is my life right now.

Today I spent another glorious day in paradise at work and put myself to the task of finding my favorite coffee mug. I do this thing where I compulsively purchase coffee mugs and bring them with me, well, everywhere. So, I have mugs for coffee or tea wherever I may end up. I brought one of my most prized Monopoly themed mugs to work and haven’t seen it for a good 2 weeks now. SUSPICION! I have had mug thievery at work in the past and typically get over it real quick by replacing any missing mug with one of the 30 I have floating around central MN. Well this one is different! It is super cute with a pair of dice on the inner ring with “LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL” printed there as well. Uhm… FUN! Love that mug. Definitely brings a smile to my face in the am when I’m all droopy eyed and practically hung over from my crazy nights watching NEXGEN and drinking Sleepy Time tea. ANYWAYS – my secret mission while allllll the managers are out of the office for the next two days is to stalk the entire premises, leaving no desk completely ransacked and upturned until I find my precious.


Couch vs. Target

Tonight has become one of those nights where I can’t decide what I want to do.

Do I want to sit on the couch with my cat, Elton, and surround myself with a mountain of sugary and salty treats. Just veg out in front of tv with my junk food feast and eat until my stomach is near exploding until 11pm…

Or do I grab my bag of “returnables” [goods purchased during my most recent Target Blackout trip that I don’t necessarily need or want so I’ll be returning] and head up to Target?

See, heading to Target sounds appealing to me but knowing how I get during my “moods” I’m afraid I’ll just have yet another black out trip and, well, repeat the same mistake I made on Monday.

In all reality I know what is going to happen… I am going to continue to lay here in bed, completely overwhelmed by my hectic day, the gross pile of laundry waiting to be washed and the fluffy tendrils of cat hair floating through my house… I’ll play online reading blogs, stalk people on Instagram, Google search “kittens wrestling” videos and maybe fade in and out of a sleep like state. My boyfriend will unsuccessfully try to peel me out if bed and after I shame him for caring about my well being I’ll chain smoke 3 cigarettes. After that I will most likely hop into the shower and just stand in the lukewarm water [we turned the water heater temp down… brrrrrrrr] and think of ridiculous alternate endings to different conversations I might have had today. I will finally stuff my face with maybe two bowls of cereal and head back to bed.

Tomorrow I will wake up exactly 13 minutes before I have to leave home to make it to work on time and whine the whole ride in about how I didn’t have time to stop for coffee.

I will stumble into work and sing “gooooood mooooorning to my coworkers and supervisors and fellow managers and plan my day around call volume.

Secretly I will be googling more kitten images and periodically I will sneak peaks and giggle silently to myself at the adorable little fuzz butts….

Three years from 30 and that is how I cope with reality.