Ice cold!

Today was partially spent deep cleaning my bathroom. Then I ate and ended up watching Property Brothers & Love it or List it for about 2.5 hours.

I decided that I can’t decide if I hate it if people “love it” or “list it” more… depends on the episode. I can tell you that the nasty people with super unrealistic expectations when it comes to home renovation and budgets drive me batty!

How can you be that daft? I mean, really? How do you not understand limitations? I found myself arguing with the TV and making snide remarks about the guests on the shows. Seriously. Start thinking people! You simply cannot expect a brand new home without dropping a dime!!

sigh

Today is definitely -3 degrees and I haven’t left the house. I smoked my last cigarette last night and haven’t even left to go buy more. So, I’m either quitting or becoming exceptionally lazy. Both? Is that an option? Probably. I don’t know… obviously I understand the health risks associated with smoking, it’s just that I am not ready to quit. It has been said that the more attempts you make at quitting smoking the more likely it is that you are to quit. That’s good, because I have attempted quite a few times. Someday.

This is my view from my craft station. I kinda love it!

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Hats, Scarves, Gloves & Boots

Morning seems to come earlier and earlier this time of year, especially when the cold comes with it. Image

Today is blustery cold. There is nothing to do outside besides freeze and DIE. Getting out of bed was probably one of the hardest things I have had to do in a really long time. Even the dog didn’t want to go out this morning and he is never concerned with the weather. Unfortunately, I get to work only to find out that I am not needed today. That is my life today.

It is actually warm here, in the training room. Comfortably warm. Nap warm. I don’t think I will ever leave this room!

I would love some coffee. I have some with me however  it is completely tasteless and blagh. Well, it is flavorful. I guess its all because I am a creamer kind of gal. Sugarless now, actually, I just really enjoy a splash of creamer in my coffee. MMMMMmmmm that milky goodness! French Vanilla, Vanilla, Hazelnut, Fat Free, Sugar Free… whatever! I love it! If you are in the Richfield area and happen to swing by my work with a bit of creamer I will smile at you and tell you a story about something while I drink my coffee. We can sit together in the training room and talk about life and our dreams and the days to come and what sort of goodies the future has in store for us. And then, I will ask you to leave, and leave you will because no one likes to overstay their welcome. You will go back into the cold tundra and I will stay, comfortably warm & tucked away, in the toasty training room.

Today will be a good day.

QUESTION: has anyone seen Sharknado on Netflix and IF SO – two questions – 1] what were you thinking? 2] was it entertaining?

Note how I didn’t ask “was it good”… to me a movie doesn’t have to be good to be entertaining. For instance, Joe Dirt… HA! Now, I don’t think anyone would call that cinematic gold [besides the Martini family & a few select others who happen to have a great sense of humor and a solid understanding of what it truly means be white trash] BUT it is a terribly entertaining movie! Terribly! I remember being SOOOOOO excited when Netflix added Joe Dirt. Oh, SO excited! I am pretty sure I blogged about it!

I can hear people giggling. The heat registers not only carry heat but sound as well. Not clearly though. It’s not as if I could sit here and carry on conversations with people in the next room but I can hear faint voices, pick up bits and pieces of things. I feel like a spy. I want to BE a spy!

A beautiful storm indeed

It’s times like this where I wish I was able to sleep without a fan. I want so badly to be able to turn out the lights and melt into dream world while listening to the pitter patter of the rain outside. Unfortunately for me I am addicted to the dulling white noise of high powered fans and since the age of 14 haven’t been able to sleep a wink without one.

It is quite possibly the worst addiction I’ve had in my 26.89 years of existence and I don’t want to be Kurt so I’ll be Frank… [lol my personal fave – don’t ask] I don’t see myself attempting to break this addiction. Instead I will continue to purchase fan after fan to keep at my bed until the day I die or go completely deaf. I am hoping the deaf part comes with death but that’s another blog altogether.

See, at night I tend to hyper focus on just about every sound that comes my way. Well that is actually 24/7 but at night its annoying to me to hear pretty much anything, including the melodic sound of raindrops on the roof and the soothing rolling thunder chasing the wind, forces pulling from the center of the earth again I can feel it… wait… and music. All types of music. With the radio I tend to listen to the lyrics. I’ll find myself singing along, thinking to myself about how the lyrics don’t make sense, or I’ll be taken back to a time when… with instrumental pieces or classical music I find myself in Fantasia mode and I imagine great scenes in some magical forest with cupids and centaurs and dragons and shit. Then it’s 4am and I have come up with this whole wildly choreographed scenario and I have no idea who or where I am, then I contemplate calling into work. How do you excuse something like that? “Hello work? Yea, I can’t come in today because my explosive imagination kept me up all night creating a wondrous play land, so I must sleep now”… no. I’m a grown up. That shit just doesn’t fly.

I also tend to find myself wildly irritated with falling asleep to tv or movies. Nope. Not going to happen. You may find me on your couch dozing off to a boring movie or something, but never sleeping. You may even think to yourself, “hey, why are you in my house?”, don’t think.

The worst? When a fan is on it’s last leg and starts to make that tapping noise. You know the noise, where it sounds like there may be a piece of tape stuck to the fan blade somehow, so, with every fucking rotation there is this tap, tap, tap noise. YUK! HOW ANNOYING!!!!! That drives me crazy. I don’t know the how’s or the why’s to that type of situation, I just know that to me that is surely one of the best ways to keep me from sleeping. I find myself laying there in a cold sweat just waiting, anticipating the next tap to happen. Then I hear it and my blood boils. So I lay in silence for the next rotation to come about secretly hoping it will have fixed itself and sure shit, TAP. TAP. TAP. EVERY SECOND ANOTHER TAP!!

I need the soft, smooth hum of a solid fan. Box fans are nice and all for summer when you need to blast air from room to room [for those of us without central air] but not what I look for in a bedroom fan. I like the smaller ones. DONT put a fan in my face or facing my person. Just don’t do it. I hate the feeling of air on my skin while I am trying to sleep. I am actually laughing at myself as I type this because I know how incredibly weird this all sounds but besides the tappa tappa tappa of a sticky fan the one thing that really chaps my ass is something I will now call “wind skin” – when a fan blows air on you while you try to sleep. Ha. It’s the feeling of my hair being caught in said air that is gross to me. I am a hairy gal [by nature and choice] so its not like I can just tie my hair up, no, its ALL my freaking hair. The whole body. I dont’ mind it on a hot summer day at the beach, you know, a lil gust of wind here and there to break up the heat… just not in my bed at 11pm.

I JUST HEARD A NOISE. It sounded weird and I am totally creeped out laying here home alone with this storm.

Speaking of creepy things… I have decided that with this whole war on terror that we should focus more of our attention to the terrorists at home: centipedes. Now, I know the definition of a terrorist doesn’t really apply to centipedes however the word TERROR comes to mind whenever I think of or see the little bastards. Last night I let out a blood curdling scream and ran the flight of steps in my house faster than I ever have before to inform Reed of the danger lurking in the shadows of the bathroom below. By the time he got there to inspect [and destroy] the thing was gone. I was terrified. Reed’s reply “well, if you would have reacted rationally then you would know where it is, dead in the toilet”…. WELL GEE… why didn’t I think of that? Oh, I know! Because to me, the most rational thing to do when facing my mortal enemy is to run and find someone bigger and stronger to fight my battles. Fucking DUH. They have a million legs!

He loves me.

On Going Back

I am not the kind of person to hold on to regrets. Anger, resentments, grudges, any slight grievance… those things I will generally bottle up and hold on to longer than the average person.

At this time I do wish I could go back. I’d say it was just over three hours ago, so I’d like to go back 3 hours and 15 seconds in time. I would tell past Maria, “no, put that down, you don’t really want it” and I would save myself from my current troubles.

About four cups of “Handful of Everything” trail mix [thanks Target] I am ready to explode. I would say I ate about three cups more than any single person should in a sitting. But I did. And while I’m not necessarily proud of it, I am somewhat shocked that I actually managed to eat that much trail mix. So now I sit, hunched over in agony while what feels like a fifty pound boulder is slowly tearing a path from my intestines to my freaking chute.

I am somewhat uncomfortable, to say the least.

My kitty Elton is laying at the end of the bed pawing playfully at the dog. Rocky [dog] is circling the bed almost like a vulture would looking for the quickest way onto the bed without be caught by the sharp claws of Mr. Snuggle Bum. Rocky is at the door now pretending to sniff the ground while obviously staring at Elton. Elton is just staring back. A DUEL! It is pretty safe to say that Elton is King of the Bed at this point. They get along just fine, this is just play time for the boys. Naturally Elton is hyphy – it’s 11:30! His nocturnal instincts are telling him to go wild and to attack the dog, but his insatiable desire to cuddle has won him over and now he is reduced to nothing more than a cuddle bear.

So, this is my life right now.

Today I spent another glorious day in paradise at work and put myself to the task of finding my favorite coffee mug. I do this thing where I compulsively purchase coffee mugs and bring them with me, well, everywhere. So, I have mugs for coffee or tea wherever I may end up. I brought one of my most prized Monopoly themed mugs to work and haven’t seen it for a good 2 weeks now. SUSPICION! I have had mug thievery at work in the past and typically get over it real quick by replacing any missing mug with one of the 30 I have floating around central MN. Well this one is different! It is super cute with a pair of dice on the inner ring with “LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL” printed there as well. Uhm… FUN! Love that mug. Definitely brings a smile to my face in the am when I’m all droopy eyed and practically hung over from my crazy nights watching NEXGEN and drinking Sleepy Time tea. ANYWAYS – my secret mission while allllll the managers are out of the office for the next two days is to stalk the entire premises, leaving no desk completely ransacked and upturned until I find my precious.

The past 32 hours

Welp, Ren Fest was just as fun and food-filled as I had hoped it would be! I walked out $60 lighter with my silver fox tail, lucky rabbits foot & about 3lbs of food stuffed in my belly. Shared: 3 meat pies, 1 ear of corn, 1 two foot long tube of beef jerky, three bottles of Vitamin Water & 1 Turtle Sunday. YUM.

The highlight of my day yesterday is a tie between seeing the most adorable fluff butt Shepard pup named Colfax. He was tiny as a Shepard pup could be and had the greatest fro I’ve ever seen on a dog. Just great. And then there was the brilliant idea to play the “dueling buckets” game, where two opponents stand apart, directly under buckets of water, facing one another with 3 sandbags. The first to knock the target at their opponents side wins, the loser getting doused with cold water. WELL Mandi [the bestie] and I thought it would be a great way to spend $1 so we pass our belongings off and decide to duel. Not such a good idea for me wearing my wonderfully unprotected leather booties.

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I totally won on the 2nd toss and laughed as my best friend of 20 years was drenched with about 3 gallons of water. She, the sports queen – basketball, soccer, softball etc.. lost to MOI – Maria the bookworm, never played a sport [well] in her life, won! MUAHHAHAHHAA!! Then, surprisingly enough to me, my prize for winning was to also be drenched with about 3 gallons of water.

In the picture above my friend Cat beautifully captured the moment, me, blinded by the glaring sun, desperately clinging to my soaked shirt hoping the water would stop coming so I could keep my clothes on.

What an awkward game! What an awkward 45 minutes afterwards as we continued wandering through the place. Slosh slosh sloshing along, My boots are still wet as I lay in bed typing this. I broke into random laughter throughout the day thinking of how stupid we were to think that was a good idea.

At least I got my fox tail.

TODAY – I shocked myself by walking to Target this morning. I prepped myself for this intense journey by putting on my best [and only] walking shoes, grabbing my water-bottle and transferring all my pursely items to my backpack for easier travel. So basically I found out that Target is about .9 miles from my house. So I totally felt like an asshole. I got my morning coffee and scoped out some new sheets.

HOLY FUCK – $49.99 for sheets?? Where have I been?? I guess that since my bed was a hand-me-down complete with 4 different sheets [2 sets of purple, 2 sets of gold] with pillow cases & matching comforter I haven’t really had the need to browse the sheet isle, or take notice. Well, I’ll be damned! Looks like I am asking Santa for sheets this X-Mas.

Not that I don’t think quality sheets are worth fifty bones, its just that mine are in perfectly great condition granted they’re about 8 years old. I just wanted to get a set of flannel sheets, ya know, for winter and whatever. Oh well.

Attempted to buy some of those oh so stylish and impossible to find brown knee high fall boots. I guess my calves are RIDICULOUSLY tiny because not a pair in that store fit me! I was in Famous Footwear and NOT ONE of those damn boots would stay up on my calves. Doomed.

I stumbled into Home Depot as well. That was fun wandering through the garden center on such a pretty day! Oh my goodness, the air was so sweet and fresh I almost cried as Megadeath blasted through my iPod. My boyfriend created my playlists. I ended up walking out with a pair of landscaping gloves marketed towards “strong, capable females”, which I consider myself to be when I am not weak & helpless. They are really cute with a nice coushy padding in the palm with a leathery grip and a fun leaf & flower pattern on the back. So, it seems I’ll be doing some more landscaping this year.

My truck… Lil Red… is soon to be dead. My love, my rusty red GMC Sonoma is pretty much as useless to me as a butt-hole on my forehead. Transmission is failing and I am at the point where I really shouldn’t be putting any more money into the thing but my heart is breaking! Such a fun truck. So many memories!

Image her in the summer time

Image one of my gals who adorned the back window

Image Lil Red herself, in all her glory… sure gonna miss ya, Baby!

Sunday almost funday

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Today my plan includes, but is not limited to:

Getting out of bed. See, that’s the first step for today. Baby steps …

what about bob?

it’s 11:04 here in sunny Minneapolis and I should have been up hours ago! Fuck it, today is my Saturday.

Even though I have plans to go get coffee with my boyfriend before meeting up with the gang I’ll totally make myself some Earl Grey tea to go with my breakfast.. yogurt, oats, menthol cigarette.

We are hitting up the REN FEST today! I’m excited don’t get me wrong but the CAPS is all auto-correct and not my doing. So I guess my phone is more excited than I am, and that’s okay because it’s coming with me! Wooooo!

Reed and my gal pal Cat have never been before, which surprised me about Cat, I’ve known her for about… 4 years now and she seems the kinda gal to be into it. Reed…. doesn’t surprise me. This fuck….. ohhhh this sheltered fuck, never gotten ice cream from an ice cream truck…. NEVER HEARD R KELLY’S IGNITION OR THE REMIX TO IGNITION! Hes only one year and ten days younger than I am but there is this awful divide when it comes to life experiences. Anyways, that’s another blog all together.

I’m mostly excited to get Reed a giant chicken leg. Ha. It’s should be fun. I’m also excited to replenish my fox tail collection. And I know I know….

fur is murder

but I strongly believe that there is love after death.

Martini out.